Abduct This!
by jeri
Summary: Post-Requiem; what happened to Mulder.


TITLE: Abduct This!  
AUTHOR: jeri  
EMAIL: agentjeri@thexfiles.com  
RATING: PG-13  
CATEGORY: XRA(and my own odd touch of H), M-POV  
KEYWORDS: MSR, post-ep  
SPOILERS: Requiem  
STARTED: August 20, 2000  
FINISHED: August 21, 2000  
  
SUMMARY: What happened to Mulder. (Succinct, eh?)  
  
**DISCLAIMER: Good God! Don't you lawyer types   
know that we know we don't own these people?!   
You'd think you'd get it after seven years...  
  
**DISCLAIMER OF A DIFFERENT COLOR: The title is   
the name of a game that came with my "X-Fools"   
CD-ROM. Don't sue me, coz I don't own that, either.   
Oy, and I'm not Bill Gates, either, so I don't own   
anything Windows related.  
  
^*^*^  
  
It takes me a while to realize what I'm getting   
myself into. Even when I was standing in the circle   
of light with Theresa, Billy, and the Mighty Morphin   
Bounty Hunter, I didn't really understand what we   
were in for.  
However, now that we've all been magically   
beamed up to the alien ship, which next takes off   
for destinations elsewhere in the universe...well,   
the first thing that I think is "Ooooohhh shiiiiiit..."  
Before anyone has gotten used to the idea that   
they've just been abducted (again, for everyone   
else), we are escorted to the stereotypical   
abduction room. In fact, it is so typical that I   
wonder if this is all a stage by the government   
to keep tabs on me. But of course, all stereotypes   
have to start somewhere, and that's usually reality.  
We are seated in very uncomfortable metal   
chairs, strapped in by our arms, legs, and across   
our chests. That's when it occurred to me that we   
could be going away for quite a while. My mind   
flies instantly to thoughts of Scully...and how   
she is going to kill me when I return.  
Damn it! I'd promised her I'd be back. Hell, I   
refused to let her come with me because I couldn't   
lose her! And lately, she's been feeling a bit   
off; I wish she'd just go to the doctor. If he   
says it's the flu, then at least we'll know, and   
I won't have nightmares about her cancer creeping   
back into the foreground. About once a year I get   
that dream, and it lasts for a few nights. Then I   
finally convince myself that she's in the clear,   
and there's absolutely nothing wrong with her.  
Looks like I'm gonna have nightmares tonight.  
The Bounty Paper Towel Man comes into the room,   
looking at each of his hostages. I presume he's   
taking attendance, making sure we didn't forget   
anyone before we hit warp speed or whatever the   
point of no return is.  
Only a few people look worried. Deputy Ray   
does; in fact, he looks scared to death. Theresa   
looks more worried, and I think I know why--who's   
taking care of her baby? I hope she has family   
nearby who are willing to believe her about the   
abductions. Maybe Scully can watch the baby if no   
one else can.  
Dudley Do-Right the Bounty strides over to me,   
staring at my face with undisguised contempt.  
"Why are you here?" he asks in his gruffest   
voice.  
I can only answer honestly. "I haven't the   
faintest idea, actually. I was just looking for   
the ship; I didn't plan to be abducted."  
He looks away for a moment, then turns back.   
I'm surprised by the faint glint of emotion that   
peeks out from his eyes. "You shouldn't have come,"   
he says, unnecessarily. "You have more important   
things to attend to back in Washington. You should   
have stayed there."  
Now I'm getting mad. "If I'd known that this   
would be the consequence for my actions, I *would*   
have stayed home. This is exactly what I didn't   
want to happen."  
He sighs and steps back. "It's too late, now.   
You'll have to stay with us for the duration of   
the test. I'll try to arrange it so that you go   
back first."  
"Why?" I ask as he turns away. "What's going   
on that I have to be there for? The audit? Agent   
Short is all done with my testimony; he's already   
sent in his report."  
"The audit is for your own good. Now is the   
perfect time for you to step away, Agent Mulder.   
It would be most responsible for you to find a   
nice, safe, stable job. Go be a psychologist,   
Mulder."  
With that oh-so-helpful bit of advice, Mr.   
Personality continues his role-taking. I wish I   
knew what the hell he was talking about. He's   
gotta know how hard it is to get me to quit. The   
FBI brass has tried to disgruntle me into quitting   
enough times to realize that I'm in for as long as   
possible. They'll have to throw me out...on a   
reasonable charge, of course.  
Well, now that I think about it, there is *one*   
reason that I'd quit now. And luckily for the   
Bureau, it's not happening anytime soon. Way back   
when the Bureau reqruited me for profiling, I made   
it very well-known that if at any point in my   
career I was to have children, regardless of my   
marital status, I would leave the Bureau to better   
ensure my presence in my children's lives.  
Of course...well, I guess the brass better hope   
I go crazy and kill someone so they can can me.  
The lights in the room go out without warning,   
plunging the room into darkness. There are a few   
frightened cries from the abductees, and I hear   
soft murmuring as the men try to reassure the women.  
I wish I had my woman here to reassure me. She   
survived this whole abduction thang, right?  
Who'm I kidding? The only thing keeping me sane   
right now is knowing that Scully is safe at home   
with the Gunmen watching over her. And I'm sure   
Skinner will make sure she stays out of trouble,   
too.  
I just hope she's not too mad. I hope she knows   
I didn't plan this.  
I hope she knows I love her.  
  
^*^*^  
  
Hours later, we find out what the "test" is   
all about. The colonizers want to know if our   
"superior" brain power can help them find the   
Rebels' Secret Base. As the _Star Wars_ theme song   
runs through my head, complete with filtered   
breathing, we are taken, one-by-one, into a room   
that's filled with odd equipment.  
Before I can ask about the hi-tech toys, a   
switch is flicked and my head is filled with a   
gillion thoughts, much like my reaction to that   
artifact last year. My hands shoot up to my temples,   
trying uselessly to subdue the pain that accompanies   
the noise.  
One thought comes up through the mess as though   
it was sifted through a sieve, demanding my attention.  
"Agent Mulder. You will learn to control what   
you hear in your head. You will find a particular   
person's thoughts: Alex Krycek. He has been a part   
of the Rebellion's efforts on Earth since their   
formation; only he knows the location of their base.   
Once you have found the required details, you will   
be permitted to go free."  
I know this is the Bounty of the Forest Hunter   
"speaking" to me. I look up at him, trying not to   
grimace, trying to control the noise like he said.   
"What guarantee do I get?" I ask.  
He grunts. "Agent Mulder, there is nothing I   
can say that will convince you that I am speaking   
the truth, so I won't waste our time. However, I   
will tell you that the Project is better off with   
you in your rightful place. We need you alive, in   
case recent developments fail to pan out."  
Once again, I have no clue what he's talking   
about, and it's beginning to really piss me off.   
"Why? What's going on that I need to be in DC for?"  
Bobba Fett the Bounty Hunter (oh, there's a   
name I can use!) frowns. "It's too bad you aren't   
aware of those developments," he confesses. "It   
would most likely make you more willing to help   
us."  
"Why would I want to help you? Why would I want   
to facilitate the destruction of humanity?"  
I'm bewildered as Bobba Fett throws his head   
back and laughs. "You must follow you're own creedo   
more often, Agent Mulder. Trust no one." With that   
parting shot that leaves me even more confused,   
Bobba Fett turns and leaves the tiny room.  
I assume that none of the gadgets before me   
are a "How To" guide to reading minds, so I close   
my eyes. As I hear the enormous jumble of thoughts,   
I imagine that each is on its own Instant Message   
window. Using the visualization techniques that I   
perfected for baseball and basketball I move my   
mental mouse and, one-by-one, click on each window's   
X to close them. It doesn't take as long as I   
anticipate, though I have the feeling I've lost   
track of a whole lot of time by now.  
When I'm done, I find my mind's eye staring at   
a screen with three Instant Messages on it.   
Ratboy0001; SkinnManAP; and Luvrgal4Me. I rather   
like that last screenname. The only problem with   
this version of the Instant Messanger is that   
it's a one-way conversation. What I wouldn't give   
to let Scully know that I'm okay.  
I decide to focus on Ratboy0001's IMs right now;   
he's my ticket out of here, after all. But I'll   
keep an eye on the other two.  
  
Ratboy0001: "I'm sending the Devil back to Hell."  
yeah that's right you old wrinkled geezer you're   
time's up no more smokes for you oh did you hurt   
yourself that's a shame god get me outta here i   
can't stand the sight of him god i wish she'd stop   
following me around i mean sure she got me out but   
it wasn't because she wanted me out no she was   
doing his dirty work ungrateful bitch when i get   
her alone i'm gonna  
  
I pull myself from that little bit of unpleasant   
thoughts, and I decide to take a peek at Scully.  
  
Luvrgal4Me: zzzzzzzzzsighzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz  
zzzsighzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzsighzzzzzzzz  
zzzzzzzzsighzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzsighz  
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzsighzzzzzzzzzz  
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzsighzzzzzzzzsighzzz  
  
I smile. At least she's getting some sleep. Of   
course, she probably doesn't know what's happened   
yet. Either she doesn't know, or that flu-ish   
thing has really hit hard. Okay, time to make sure   
Skinner knows what he's gotta do.  
  
SkinnManAP: shit she's gonna kill me shit she's   
gonna kill me shit she's gonna kill me shit she's   
gonna kill me shit she's gonna kill me shit she's   
gonna kill me shit she's gonna kill me shit she's   
gonna kill me shit she's gonna kill me shit she's   
gonna kill me shit she's gonna kill me shit she's   
gonna kill me shit she's  
  
I think I get the gist of his thoughts. Don't   
worry, I mentally plead, she won't kill you. It's   
my ass she'll be after...and not in the good way   
this time.  
Okay, back to unpleasant business.  
  
Ratboy0001: god i hate this job i wanna be a   
ratboy all on my own i don't want to rely on   
rebellious aliens 'cause god knows there's not   
that many of them out there okay i got work to do   
gotta contact the master baiter god that's a   
terrible name i really should tell him about how   
that sounds to us earthlings and tell him that   
the mission was accomplished that he can move his   
men out tomorrow night god it'll be nice to have   
a clean apartment again can't wait to get a whore   
over for a quickie  
  
Geeze, why's he always thinking about sex? Well,   
I guess that's the "8 second rule" in action.  
But next I realize that he's talking about   
someone in his apartment. I didn't even know he   
had an apartment! Could that be where the Rebellion's   
leaders are holing up? I file this information in   
a corner of my mind.  
After a while, all three IMs are full of zzz's.   
I guess it's bedtime down there. What I wouldn't   
give to be in a bed right now, preferably with   
Scully next to me...  
Christ, I've caught the "8 second bug". I need   
sleep. I barely slept last night, between packing   
and saying goodbye to Scully and giving out   
instructions to the Gunmen. Once more, I take my   
mental mouse, this time clicking on the windows'   
_ to minimize them. That way I won't lose them   
for good.  
Task bar filled with inactive IMs, I start the   
screensaver and fall asleep.  
  
^*^*^  
  
I wake up to the sound of...well, I'm not sure   
what sound it is, to be perfectly honest. I'm gonna   
take a stab in the dark and guess that it's the   
sound of the alien ship's engine overheating, but   
I'm probably wrong.  
There's a pink "While You Were Gone" slip on   
the table next to me. It's from Bobba Fett, telling   
me that he stopped by to check on my progress, but   
I was asleep. I'm to stay awake until we can have   
a chat.  
Right. And Skinner's having Scully's baby. I   
promptly fall back asleep.  
  
^*^*^  
  
Next time I'm jerked awake by a very strong,   
very large, very annoyed pair of hands. Bobba Fett   
pulls me to my feet, growling something in a   
language that I'm unfamiliar with, despite my well-  
rounded education.  
I've noticed that my time in the spaceship has   
made me a bit more sarcastic than normal. Hmm.   
Odd.  
"I can't understand you," I gurgle out. Bobba   
Fett removes his hands from my throat, allowing   
me to breathe again. How thoughtful.  
"I told you, don't go back to sleep! Have you   
found out anything yet?"  
I shook my head. "Other than the fact that   
Krycek's a sick bastard? Well, I guess I didn't   
just find that out, I've known that for a while..."   
Bobba Fett glares at me, and I realize that's not   
what he wanted to hear. "Is there a, um, Master   
Baiter in the Rebellion?"  
"Not that I know of. So you don't know where   
the Rebellion is located?"  
"Not yet," I hedge. His look makes me really   
want to go back to my IMs.  
"I will return in a while," he says. "Try not   
to sleep."  
With an ominous glare, he strides out of the   
room, allowing me to breathe even better.  
I figure I'd better find out where that Rebel   
base is so I don't unleast the Wrath of Bobba   
Fett next time he comes to see me. I find the   
task bar with my mental mouse and maximize the   
IM from Ratboy0001.  
  
Ratboy0001: crack the egg pour the egg scramble   
the egg pop the toast pour the OJ find a fork no   
clean forks wash a fork dry the fork find a plate   
thank god a clean plate dump the eggs add the   
toast carry to table sit in chair lift fork to   
mouth chew chew chew chew chew  
  
Wow, Krycek's a happy little homemaker. Who'da   
thunk it? I could really go for some eggs right   
now. And bacon. I love bacon. Pigs are wonderful   
animals.  
One corner of my mind does its own thing and   
maximizes Luvrgal4Me's IM.  
  
Luvrgal4Me: there's got to be some mistake it   
can't be true i'll have the guys do their own   
test hmmm i wonder if they've ever been asked that   
sort of thing before god what is my mother going   
to think about this hell what's mulder gonna think   
i hope he gets finished out there soon god i need   
him here right now i still can't believe it if   
doctor whats-his-name comes back in here and tells   
me he messed up i'm going to kill him it would be   
justifiable no jury in the world would convict me   
jesus i'm gonna damn the phone why didn't i put   
it next to my bed  
  
And at the same time, I hear Krycek.  
  
Ratboy0001: why am i doing this why don't i just   
let skinner tell her himself no i gotta take some   
responsibility pick up damn it  
  
Luvrgal4Me: "Scully."  
  
Ratboy0001: "Agent Scully. I have some unfortunate   
news for you."  
  
Luvrgal4Me: "What do you mean, Krycek? Where are   
you?"  
  
Ratboy0001: "Nowhere you can find me, Agent Scully.   
I just felt that I should tell you that Mulder is   
gone."  
  
Goddamn it! Why'd she have to hear it from that   
scumbag?  
  
Luvrgal4Me: "What? Where is he Krycek? So help me   
God, if you've done anything to him..." i'll kill   
'im i'll kill 'im i'll kill 'im i'll kill 'im i'll   
kill 'im i'll kill 'im  
  
Ratboy0001: "I didn't do anything, Scully. I'm   
nowhere near Oregon. I've been informed, however,   
that Mulder did indeed find the alien ship. The   
bad news is that he seems to have boarded it, and   
it has taken off for an unknown destination."   
damn it i'm sorry scully i didn't mean for that   
to happen  
  
From what I can gather from the rest of the   
conversation, Krycek has been working with the   
Rebels since they first began, as Bobba Fett had   
told me. Apparently I as valuable to the Rebels   
as I am to their enimies (who have me now, conviently   
enough). I wonder why I'm in such great demand   
these days?  
  
Ratboy0001: "I'm going to contact the head of the   
Rebellion, let him know what's going on."  
  
Luvrgal4Me: "The head of the rebellion? Is he   
nearby?"  
  
God bless you, Scully. You're pretty psychic   
for a skeptic.  
  
Ratboy0001: "No, he's at the Rebel base." god   
that's so far away too i hope the machines he   
gave me will work hehe at least there's no charge   
for calling long distance to Sthgincitlec on   
weekends haha  
  
Aha!!! Sthgincitlec!!! God I hope that means   
something to Bobba Fett, 'cause I certainly have   
never heard of that place.  
I write it down on the pink "While You Were Away"   
slip that is still on the table and with my handy-  
dandy NASA Space Shuttle pen that Scully gave me   
for my last birthday. (I bet she'd never thought   
I'd actually need it in space!) I do the best that   
I can at spelling the weird name and pray that   
Bobba Fett will know what I'm trying to say.  
Mission accomplished, I lean back in my chair   
and give a firm click on my mental mouse to close   
Ratboy0001's IM. Time to devote all my time to   
Luvrgal4Me. For kicks I open up SkinnManAP, too.  
  
Luvrgal4Me: oh god he's gone how could this happen   
now of all times i need him here god i've got to   
find he's got to be okay i need him with me to   
tell mom of course it's proably better that he's   
not here to tell billy bill'd kill 'im but mom   
will want to see him oh christ i need him so much  
  
SkinnManAP: well here goes nothing i hope she's   
okay god please let her be okay i feel bad enough   
already if her cancer's back oh look at her hmmm   
something is up "Scully...hi. How're you feeling?"  
  
Luvrgal4Me: "I'm feeling fine. They're just running   
some tests on me."  
  
SkinnManAP: oh god please let her be okay geeze   
now i have to tell her man i don't wanna tell her   
don't make me say the words "Um, Scully..."  
  
Luvrgal4Me: "I already heard." oh you poor man   
don't cry damn i wish i would stop being so   
emotional it's so unlike me  
  
SkinnManAP: "Scully, I'm sorry...I lost him..."   
jesus i'm crying why am i crying i'm the big   
boss the ex-marine i do not cry "I don't know   
what else I can say. I lost him....I'll be asked   
what I saw, and what I saw I can't deny....I won't."  
  
Hell, I'm starting to cry. Damn it, Skinner,   
this isn't your fault!  
  
Luvrgal4Me: "We will find him, sir. I have to."  
  
My heart breaks at the obvious emotion in that   
statement. It makes me feel so good to know that   
she'll never stop searching if Bobba Fett decides   
that I'm not as valuable as he suggested. I'm glad   
she knows how I feel about her, too. If this had   
happened years ago, she may have thought that I   
did this on purpose, but not now. Now she knows   
that...  
  
Luvrgal4Me: "Sir, there's something else I need   
to tell you. Something that I need for you to keep   
to yourself..." oh hell what am i doing why am i   
telling him this especially now of all times he'll   
feel even worse oh well too late now  
  
SkinnManAP: oh god here it comes one last time   
please let her be okay  
  
Luvrgal4Me: "I'm having a hard time explaining it.   
Or believing it..."  
  
SkinnManAP: oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god   
oh god oh god  
  
Luvrgal4Me: here goes nothing "I'm pregnant."  
  
SkinnManAP: jesus h christ  
  
Holy fucking cow!  
  
THE END } (evil Grinch smile)  
  
^*^*^  
  
FREE BONUS! Here's a song that I absolutely love and I just listened to it and it made me cry as I connected it to our heroes.  
  
  
Candle On The Water -- from Disney's _Pete's Dragon_:  
  
I'll be your candle on the water  
My love for you will always burn  
I know you're lost and drifting  
But the clouds are lifting  
Don't give up  
You have somewhere to turn  
  
I'll be your candle on the water  
Till every wave is warm and bright  
My soul is there beside you  
Let this candle guide you  
Soon you'll see  
A golden stream of light  
  
A cold and friendless time has found you  
Don't let the stormy darkness pull you down  
I'll paint a ray of hope around you  
Circling in the air  
Lighted by a prayer  
  
I'll be your candle on the water  
This flame inside of me will grow --my fave line!  
Keep holding on you'll make it  
Here's my hand so take it  
Look for me  
Reaching out to show  
As sure as rivers flow  
I'll never let you go  
I'll never let you go  
I'll never let you go  
  
  
::Sniffle, sniffle:: Sorry if I made you cry, but   
it's 12:30am and I just had to share that with you   
all :) Now I'm gonna go light a candle and put it   
in my window for Mulder. Toodles!  
  
4 out of 5 doctors say expressing your enjoyment   
of a fanfic to its author increases your life   
expectancy 23-23.8 years. The other doctor was   
killed by Cancerman before we could ask him.  
  
jeri quinne, president, xpab (x-philes against bees)  
Gain membership by writing to agentjeri@thexfiles.com 


End file.
